i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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