I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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