I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize