Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
