Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
