so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
