before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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