I want to walk on stilts...naked
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
