i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize