Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
