She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
