Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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