unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
