and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
