I feel great
I just peed on a car
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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