Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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