dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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