Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
