I cannot find my penis.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
