Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
