He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
