I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Nicole vs. Life
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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