well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
