I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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