I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize