how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
