That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
