Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
