Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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