somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
be right there i have to get my cape
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
