the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
