you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
