I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
