Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
