That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
