No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
