I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
