probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
