Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
