apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
