I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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