He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
