i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
