To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize