there's paper in my vomit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
