The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
