For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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