Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
