I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As shirtless as possible
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
