I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
