I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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