I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize