So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
