super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
