Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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