please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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