I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
