this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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