I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize