I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Congratulations! We have a period
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
