I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize