She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You took a bar mat shot.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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