i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
