I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She just used a chaser for red wine.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we should paint friendship bongs
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