Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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