Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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