apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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