please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize