He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
