We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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