His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
