I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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