I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
