Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
