K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
