paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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