True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize