I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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