Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
