im six kinds of drunk right now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
