Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
