it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize