I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
