So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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