It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
