you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
