We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
