yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
