your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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