i would punch a child for taco bell
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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