i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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