She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
